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Time Has Made A Liar Of MC Hammer

By Smaktakula Ultimately, The Effort To Hide His Illegitimacy Proved Too Much For Hammer. After assuring us that he was too legit to do any such thing–MC Hammer quit. You Remind Me Of A Real Short...

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True Facts: Sea Salt

By Smaktakula Not many people know that the unique taste and healthful properties of sea salt come entirely from a surprisingly delicious infusion of fish ass. This Little Guy’s Making Some Sea Salt...

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Heroin Overdose Claims The Life Of Beloved Actor

By Smaktakula Andy Griffith is dead at 86. A Hard-Partying Lifestyle And A Love For Vice Took You From Us Too Soon, Andy.

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Ask Tardsie: Muzzle That Little Demon

By Tardsie Tardsie Knows Lots About Lotsa Stuff! Welcome at last to our first “real” installment of Ask Tardsie, where we answer your questions–no matter how bizarre or uninformed–as honestly as we...

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We Got Your Culture Right Here, Man

By Smaktakula We’ve Got Culture Coming Out Our Asses! We were cobbling together another installment of Ask Tardsie when it occurred to us that we haven’t done enough to ensure the cultural edification...

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Let’s Try Hating Someone New

By Smaktakula Please. That Is SO 1998. Humanity is no stranger to hate. Throughout its long and bloody history, Homo sapiens has always managed to find a worthwhile reason not just to oppose another...

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True Facts: Twins

By Smaktakula If This Happens To You, You Probably Deserve It. Some common misapprehensions about identical twins: 1) In most societies, the belief persists that identical twins are a blessing. In...

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No Burnout For These Burnouts

By Smaktakula We Meant “Burnout” As In ‘Lazy Stoner.’ No, Whatever This Guy’s Issues Were, He Was Definitely A Do-er. One of the most paradigm-shifting developments of the Information Revolution has...

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The Apple And The Razor Blade

By Smaktakula We’re Thinking That Any Kid Who Bites Into This Maybe Deserves To Be Taught A Lesson. Anyone who’s ever gone trick-or-treating (sorry Jehovah’s Witnesses, you’ll just have to use your...

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Tales Of The Dewey Presidency

By Tardsie Norman Rockwell Never Could Have Known We’d Still Be Fighting This War Generations Later. You probably know by now that my hapless college friend Steve frequently found himself on the...

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